i hate you alternative wellness natural chemical free vegan non-GMO herbal intuitive whole foods healing raw high vibrational plant based cleanse gluten free superfood supplement blend bullshit!!!! You’re not healthier and more balanced and connected to the Earth because your smoothies are full of unidentifiable green and brown powders you got from a subscription box to ✨URTH-CRUNCH VAGINAL ENLIGHTENMENT✨!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You do not need to Buy Product
There is no advertisement on social media for whole, natural, pure foods ‘cause they grow out the fucking ground
Go to a farmer’s market. Start a garden yourself. Drill some holes in the bottom of a 5gal bucket and start growing stuff on your porch
There is no Product that will make you connected to Earth, because Earth is what you’re fucking standing on, and what you see when you step outside is no less pure or natural or sacred than some exotified jungle in Africa
Nature is everywhere and FREE. Dandelions growing out of the sidewalk? Nature. Moss on a concrete step? Nature. A tree in a park in town? That’s nature baby. Weeds on the side of the road? NATURE. She’s everywhere!
And if you don’t feel surrounded by nature already? If you don’t see the bounty of nature in the world around you? Don’t order some stupid product in a plastic package about it. Ask yourself WHY.
How come you feel the need to Buy Product that “Comes From The Dirt” one fuckthousand miles away? There’s dirt beneath you. There’s plants around you. How come your HOME doesn’t feed you and provide for you? How come you don’t find “healthy” and “natural” just by stepping outside?
Is there a farmer’s market? Can you start a garden? Are there wild plants you can safely forage? WHY NOT? Is the Earth beneath you pure and unpolluted? WHAT HAPPENED?
What happened to your home? What has estranged you? I hope you think about it. I hope it keeps you up at night.
HEHEHEHHEHEHE okay okay okay i have something really really funny to say let me figure out how to translate it to tumblr.
ms paint. okay hold on
JESUS 69!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHHA
[id: first image is a crude drawing of a cross labeled “cross”. second image is a crude drawing of a cross labeled “inverted cross”. last image has both the cross and inverted cross next to each other and is labeled “JESUS 69”. end id.]
peter wanted to be crucified upside down for this reason and this reason alone
thank you SO so much for this addition i am in love with you
I didn’t realise this until adulthood but handmade birthday piñatas are the apex of parental devotion. I spent the week cooking for my ravenous teenage cousins and felt a bit crestfallen at times that I was spending so long making something that was going to disappear within minutes—but with piñatas it’s so much worse, they exist to be savagely maimed. Year after year my father asked his kids what shape they wanted this year’s piñatas to be and he spent weeks painstakingly making them in the basement after work, only to watch a bunch of oversugared bat-wielding kids gleefully destroy them in less than 10 minutes.
I mentioned this to him and he said he remembered researching tarantula anatomy for the giant spider piñata I asked for when I was 4, trying to make the fangs the right shape and to cut the crepe paper into very thin ribbons so the thing would look appropriately fuzzy, and I was like “and I don’t even remember it because I was four!! spending so long building a beautiful object only so your kids will have fun destroying it, knowing they won’t even remember it, is such a selfless endeavour” and he said “my other motivation was that you said you wanted the spider to look real & scary so the kids at your birthday party would be terrified of it and you’d get to scoop up all the candy and I wanted to support your slyness & ambition”
-The computer made me card a man for buying Elmer’s glue. I questioned the computer. It gave no answers.
-A soccer mom walked up to me, frappuccino in hand. She bought a large box of condoms, asked to have them outside of a bag, and then ran out of the store with them.
-My manager brought me a concoction he made behind the Starbucks counter. He told me it was meant to taste like a red Starburst. It tasted nothing like a red Starburst. It tasted exactly like a pink Starburst.
-A mother purchased her four year old daughter a Minnie Mouse stuffed animal. She asked the daughter if she wanted to hold it. The child whispered, “No. She is evil.” What does she know that we do not?
-Another old man purchased twelve boxes of Mello Yello and eight boxes of Sprite. He saved almost as much as he spent. The old man bulk soda purchasing trend continues. I look forward to participating in my later years.
fictional characters only start expressing aromantic sentiments (eg. “i don’t get crushes” “i’m not looking for anyone” “i don’t wanna fall in love”) when they’re about to be proven wrong. it’s fucking rude. you can’t only use our language when you’re about to devalue our experiences and imply we need to be fixed. you owe us actual aro characters. where are they
